On Purpose

A common thread seems to be cropping up in my conversations lately, and that theme is "purpose." Actually, no one has really used that specific word, I don't think. The words "meaning," "influence," and "difference" have come up a lot, though. In twenty-four hours I have talked to two different friends who are considering job changes to give their lives more meaning. Actually, I think their intent is to give their lives more to Christ. And there is a difference.  That's what I've been thinking a lot about myself.  What am I doing in this life that makes a difference in the kingdom of God?  I know that raising my son is pretty significant.  But it's also very isolating, if I'm not careful.  I want to have a wider-spread influence than that.  God has been so good to me, and I want everyone to know.  What does that look like in everyday life?  Am I doing a good enough job?  I am certain that the answer is no, because I am human and therefore A) selfish, B) often lazy, and C) worried about what others think of me.  It makes me sad.  What opportunities am I missing?  What lies am I buying into?  What personal ambitions am I letting get in the way? 

Anyone who knows me knows that I like to stay very busy.  I am always involved in at least one more thing than most sane people.  And oftentimes my pursuits are related to the church or a Christian organization in some way.  But lately I have been questioning what eternal impact those roles will have.  Has my involvement in organizations or groups truly changed lives for Christ?  I hope so.  But I don't want to have to guess.  I want to be certain that I am giving my all for His glory. 

It is interesting to me that Jesus didn't organize groups or events and sit back, letting the apostles do all of the work... He was all about people and relationships and telling anyone who would listen about his Father.  I know I don't do that enough.  I let my busyness be my evangelism and miss lots of opportunities for real ministry.  When I am worried that I'm not making a difference for the Lord, I try to think of another job I can do or role I can fill that will help give more opportunities for others to see Christ.  I don't usually stop to think that I could just love people better.

And here's where purpose comes in.  I wish I could be an awesome missionary like the apostle Paul or even tell everyone about Christ like the woman at the well... But I am not those people.  I am Melissa Riggs, and God has a purpose and a plan for my life, here in Nashville, in the United States, in the year 2008.  Sometimes I find that so hard to believe.  It feels so inconsequential.  And, in an effort to figure out what my purpose is, I am proned to immediately think of volunteer positions, jobs, or other forms of work that I could use to better serve God.  It is unnatural for me to think that a simple life without busyness could be of any consequence to Him.  

As I'm writing this, I'm realizing the error of my ways.  But it is difficult for me.  I struggle to see how I can impact others for him on any given day.  Deep down, I know I can, but I am afraid.  I don't want to leave this life without having told others about my great God: A God who saved me from myself, from this messed up world, and who loves me in a way that I'll never understand.  I don't want to regret not giving my life back to Him in the way He wants me to.  I want to live my life on purpose.  

Would you pray for me that I will understand this better, and that I will trust God to use me?